I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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