We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
