if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
