Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Randomize
