WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
