my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
