You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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