I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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