Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
