at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
