glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
