Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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