what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
