I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
