Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
