You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Randomize
