ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
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My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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