operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
