Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
