She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
