So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
