Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
