i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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