I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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