Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Come share oat with me in your robe
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
