her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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