You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
