the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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