Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
