my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
organizing the empties. That sober.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Randomize
