Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
