How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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