If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I'm having to shit out rocks
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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