Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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