my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
