You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
