omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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