You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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