i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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