You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
