If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
