I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
