I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
