It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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