you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
