Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
