Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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