That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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