If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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