I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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