1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
