You just made me feel so damn special
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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