i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
