Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
